I have been slowly coming to a realization about myself. I have always thought that I was not a controlling person. I despise manipulation and guilt trips, and when I have found myself leaning that way, have tried (sometimes with much prayer and trembling) to curb that tendency. HOWEVER, what I've come to see (most likely very late in my Walk) is that worry is also a form of control in my life. I have this warped way of thinking that if I stew over something, it won't happen. Isn't that so messed up? If I think about the unthinkable, I will somehow convince God to spare me. Isn't that a ridiculous thought?
In our small group study of "The Bible in 90 Days" there is often mention of scriptures in the Old Testament pointing to "The End of All Things" ( to quote one of my favorite philosophers, Bilbo Baggins.) And I was Divinely shown that I have also been worrying about that for such a long time, once again believing that if I fret and think and worry on it, I will somehow side step the horrors. I have no control over anything, let alone the Lord putting the kaibosh on this whole mess! I have no control EVEN IF the worst thing I can think of happens and I have to hold fast to my faith at the expense of those I love. My only task is to profess Jesus to the very end NO MATTER WHAT. God knows the end from the beginning and He is in charge of my children's hearts. Not me.
Tonight I know these things....but can I continue in the knowledge?