Monday, September 17, 2012

Discoveries (Or; "Things I Should Have Already Known")

If you have ever seen the movie, "Hook" with Robin Williams as Peter Pan, you will understand when one of my children says that they have had an apostrophe.  What Hook's toady (Bob Hoskins) really meant was an epiphany, but it was just such a funny word slip (and we watched it almost daily until the tape was ruined) it just became part of our family vernacular. Here are some of my recent apostrophes.  In no particular order.

1)It is not possible for me to read the Bible in 90 Days if I read anything else at all.  When we did this program in 2010, I "fasted" from all fiction for the duration.  As well as I know most of the people that "follow" me, I know that means something to you, because we are all such bibliophiles.  This time through, I attempted to keep one foot in the Word and one in the words.  And got as far as the end of Leviticus.  Even though I will not be reading the entire Book as quickly as I had planned, today I am starting where I left off and finishing.

2) Beginning a new job at 40 is really hard if it is constant motion and physically challenging.  I have PAIN!  My bod is MAD!  But the benefits (most days) outweigh the hurts and ouches.  I am in better physical shape than probably ever before and all those people who say it gives you more energy, they ain't lyin'!  It's nice being an actual size 10 not a 14 stuffed into a 10.  

3)  I am not looking forward to being a Grandma as much as I thought I was.  Madi's best friend just announced she is going to have a honeymoon baby.  It's a family tradition, it seems, with both her and her husband's oldest sisters being nine monthers.  But when Madi told me, I put the brakes on the grandma train pdq!  (that's purdy durn quik) It isn't anything about vanity or being too young or anything like that, but because I still remember how hard it is!  Those first years with tiny, dependent, loud humans are no walk in the park.  I don't think my daughter is ready for that and neither does she.  The financial struggles are so much to deal with when you are first married and scraping through college is plenty of pressure without the "WHY IS THIS CHILD CRYING AND NOT STOPPING AND WHY AM I SO EXHAUSTED I CAN'T COOK AN EGG!?"  

Here's the selfish part of it, trotted out for the whole world (or you all at least) I want to have my own kids mostly raised so I have the money and time and wherewithall to go and stay with her when the little ones come.  I want to be like my mom and come and make her tea in bed and hold the baby while she gets some rest that first week or two.  And understand when she is crying and not sure if it's happy or sad or hormones.  And help her through having the udder of a Holstein implanted on her chest.  And to help her be deliberate about the baby years in ways I was not because they go by so fast and if she is like me, all she will do is try to live through, not savor every minute.  Even now the lack of on-purpose-enjoyment of those years makes me choke up and be angry with myself.  I want better for her.

As per usual with my brainy ( :P ) posts, I have run on sentences galore and some pretty crumby grammar, but it's how I communicate in real life, so it should be here as well, right?  RIGHT!?  Next time, pictures and silliness.