Control and Worry/Controlling Worry

I have been slowly coming to a realization about myself. I have always thought that I was not a controlling person. I despise manipulation and guilt trips, and when I have found myself leaning that way, have tried (sometimes with much prayer and trembling) to curb that tendency. HOWEVER, what I've come to see (most likely very late in my Walk) is that worry is also a form of control in my life. I have this warped way of thinking that if I stew over something, it won't happen. Isn't that so messed up? If I think about the unthinkable, I will somehow convince God to spare me. Isn't that a ridiculous thought?

In our small group study of "The Bible in 90 Days" there is often mention of scriptures in the Old Testament pointing to "The End of All Things" ( to quote one of my favorite philosophers, Bilbo Baggins.) And I was Divinely shown that I have also been worrying about that for such a long time, once again believing that if I fret and think and worry on it, I will somehow side step the horrors. I have no control over anything, let alone the Lord putting the kaibosh on this whole mess! I have no control EVEN IF the worst thing I can think of happens and I have to hold fast to my faith at the expense of those I love. My only task is to profess Jesus to the very end NO MATTER WHAT. God knows the end from the beginning and He is in charge of my children's hearts. Not me.

Tonight I know these things....but can I continue in the knowledge?

Pics

Fall goals (maybe if I post them here rather than in my own private paper brain I will get more of them accomplished)

-New bunny home and installed in poop collecting hutch that I finally made (!)
-Outdoor garden all tidied up and put to bed properly (if this gets done it will be the first time EVER I can check it off in my book)
-Greenhouse organized and all ready for January plantings
-Little house all CLEANED (seriously, when even I am embarrassed, its bad)
-Most importantly...read the Bible from cover to cover in 90 days (this is the challenge to all of our church and I am nervous about even attempting it)

There are two more that I can't think of right now...I'll add to as they come to me.

Sometimes praying is like trying to get up the guts to approach this huge, magestic, throne where the Creator and King over all is sitting...and realizing He's got this beautiful smile and is saying '"I'm so happy you're here. I was just thinking about you."

Copied from a friend's Facebook status.

Autumn....

is my favorite season. I love the first rain and the cool mornings and a fresh new start to school. This year is very different because of the changing seasons of our lives. No more elementary students...a sophomore and two in junior high. Only counting to five to see if we are all ready to go. More class time with other families and less time at home. And now that I've been at it a couple weeks, its a good change of season. Madi is feeling better after an illness mixed with an adjustment to the different climate of the "Dry Side" so I am back to being so very thankful that she has the opportunity to pursue her dream of Bible college.

The garden is a goner but the greenhouse is coming along so well, that I am thinking of making the outdoor garden more for perennials and doing the majority of the annuals inside. If that is what we end up doing, I can fence it tall enough to keep Bambi and his kin out and keep things looking tidier through mowing. This year took much of the gardening wind out of my sails.

The old hens and extra roos have gone on in The Circle of Life (feeding the lions) and the new ones are laying sporadically enough to keep us in eggs. I have redesigned the bunny area to make the dropping collection and removal much more accessible. All the critters should be snug and safe for the winter months.

As for canning....SQUIRREL!

Now I am off to pack for a weekend of relaxing, worshiping, visiting, NOT cooking, NOT cleaning and NOT having any jobs to do! Hope to see many of you there.

We interrupt this summer....

Well, next week is the camp we are "directing" so I'll be out of commission yet again. Hope to have oodles of good stories to tell when we get back.

Blog time=good time?

While sitting and digesting (really?) my morning cup 'o joe, I thought I would spend a little quality (wasted?) time reading the farmgirl's older blogs. Wow was I wow'd at the excellent, as well as entertaining older posts. Then I wandered further into blogspotdom and WOAH, there are some seriously scary people(?) out there. Are they really for real? Speaking of....

Last night we had all the little DD's with us IN ONE PLACE (!) and after family dinner (called not so lovingly, "guilt dinner" because if you are so unfortunate as to have another engagement that prevent you from attending, you get to have heaping helpings of said guilt for many a Thursday night after) we took in a concert at some old friend's music camp. It was actually more of a recital, but COME ON, Cara, what does that have to do with "for real"? Here's the story (that I am sure will not be entertaining enough to warrant all this fooforah) the little fiddle teacher told us she had long wanted to write a song called the Reel for Real. And she did write one and she did play it and it was GEWD! That is just such a great play on words that I had to share. If only we could remember how to do the reel from Junior High PE class. Speaking of....

I am a place that I have never been before, NOT ready for school to start. I have two junior high age daughters, and I haven't even decided what to use for curriculum as of now. What will I do!? Our son is once again doing an online high school. I am not confident enough that I would do a good job keeping track of credits for a child (who is nearly 6 inches taller than I)who plans to go into the military and then college(or vice versa.). Possibly my hesitance is that I don't feel as though I am prepared to leave summer behind because of my complete lack of food preserving, due in part to the horrendous (is that word applicable to the mundane?) growing conditions of this season. Speaking of...

I have decided to move on along in the garden and concentrate on fall crops in the greenhouse and put the main part of the outdoor garden to bed early. It will be like a naughty child, except that I plan on feeding it a HUGE dinner before sending it off. Today I am contemplative on the subject, not bitter or grumpy. I know that something as silly as a poor agricultural season is unimportant in the grand scheme, but there are times I am less accepting. Even whiny. Slightly.

Next time, a run down of the garden bedding and such.

Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
Thomas Alva Edison

I love overalls!~CaraDD

Delusions of Summer, revisited, once again

Why is it that for the three rainy months leading up to the end of the school year I have myself convinced that THIS SUMMER we will have all the time in the world to do projects and swim and generally do all the great stuff we can't during school? And even more mysterious is why I have these same thoughts year after year! Isn't the definition of crazy "doing the same thing you've been doing but expecting different results?" Sheesh.

So here it is the 21st of July. I have one child missing this week. Next will be two, and another the week after that. The week following Mr. DD and I will be directing a camp with three of the children there in different capacities. We will arrive home after a week of no sleep and running around like heads with our chickens cut off, only to spend the next day preparing for the party to send our oldest chick off to college in another state. We will have exactly three days with all of our family in one house before we will be in different houses, save vacations, most likely for the rest of forever! How does this happen? How did we go from holding her tiny little self to the beginning of them flying away? Time goes.

Next time...less whine, and more mundane topics.....

We are too busy! No one is posting but the mama with a new baby...whatever shall we do?

Laundry and Fur and Other Nonsense

Most people who have spent any amount of time in my presence have heard me lament the amount of laundry I am supposed to do. It really is, and has long been, the bane of my existence. I have even wished that the human race had been Created with fur. Then we could be long or short furred and all different colors. And calico. Oooo tabby! Or a nice blue merle. But no, we have to cover ourselves and then wash the coverings. That was yesterday's project. I did four loads and could probably do another four, not counting Madi's (of which half will be clean but inside out because she tried them on then changed her mind and pitched them on the floor.) Someday, there will be enough space for all the clean laundry to be put away into cupboards and drawers, and only then, will I be caught up. Ugh.

As most of you know I am on the "Drop 30 Pounds" diet. I have gained (almost) control of my eating but the whole exercise thing is getting me! I actually really hate (yes, hate being wish it was dead) doing exercise for it's own sake. I enjoy hiking and waterfall hunting and working in the garden for hours on end, but to spend time doing actual planned out, work each muscle group, is your heart rate up? exercise seems completely ridiculous. Am I the only one?

I do want to share the "Drop 30 Pounds" breakfast of choice. My son calls it Hippy Oatmeal because he is a proper little red-neck.
-1 1/2 cup water
-1/2 finely chopped apple
boiled together a minute or two
then add
-1 T wheat germ
-1 T flax seed
-2/3 c old fashioned oats
cook on medium low 5 minutes
turn off heat and add
-1 T raw honey
-1/2 t cinnamon.
Makes two days worth, and the second day's is better.

Last night I made salsbury steak for the non dieters and black eyed peas for myself and the vegetarian (who ate a mini burger on Sunday, but that's another story) then we all had boiled potatoes and Swiss chard out of the garden. Black eyed pea juice is honestly as good as gravy on spuds! And that reminds me.....

Is anyone else having trouble with their greens bolting already? I had to cut out the majority of the chard and spinach because it was headin' up. Its in an unheated greenhouse on the end with no door, so it shouldn't have been having heat trouble. Any garden girl ideas on that? On the outdoor garden front, the potatoes are coming up! They are my favorite thing to grow so I am very excited to see their little green heads popping. Still didn't get the three sisters planted seein' as how our lovely, sunny weekend turned into one sunny day and just enough time to get the main part of the jungle mowed. Do the rest of you already have everything happily situated in the dirt?

Next time I will post some pictures of the prom and such, but now I's better get ready for school....which, I might add, is over in four days! Woot.

Rainy May day be darned....yesterday
was waterfall huntin' day. We bagged two,
and came home with only minor injuries.
This morning the bod is a little unhappy
but yesterday we were all glad to be moving!

This was the low-lying fall we went to.
It was a bit of a trek to get down to it,
and there were some pretty muddy
places, but it was worth the work.

Here is mini me...I made it small
because it doesn't show
off my general state of disrepair.
But it's kind of a cool picture because
that branch is what we rappelled
down a bank on.

Now that we have thumbed our
nose at the wetness of spring,
we will probably have a lovely sunny weekend.
Oh please, oh please!?

Sun?

Mister Weather Guesser says partly sunny this weekend? Do we believe him? We have only home things to do all four days Darrin has off and it would so great to have NOT RAIN.

The grass on the huge amounts of side hills around the house is as high as an elephants eye and its way too wet to weed whack it. I kind of like the look of it, as well as more privacy, but when the pollen starts flying, it could be very bad around here.

I want to get the three sisters garden in as well. When we are gone those couple of weeks, I would like to leave then at least partly established so that they don't need water everyday. Have any of you ever planted that way?

The there is the gigantic task of folding all the clean clothes that I have been stacking on the spare bed for the last month. Most of them will need dryer ironed before they can be folded, but it would sure be nice to not see them in there anymore.

Oh, and hang out with the kids and friends. Wouldn't that be nice?

Tea Time

Tea parties are one of my very favoritest things to do and today's was one of the best. Of course, the group of gals here made the setting and cleaning up more fun then the actual tea itself! It's unbelievable how many good helpers it takes to put on a party for 60ish women.





Here is my table all decked out. We had the dainty savories first then the more dainty sweets after that. Women who we didn't even know were bringing treats showed up with such delicious things!



Look how cheerful we were before the shindig started! I think when we do our mom's fall get away we should do a tea at the beach. What do you girlies think?

Isn't it strange the differences in blogs? Mine is fairly superficial, for the most part. I started a more serious post a couple weeks ago, and have spent some time editing it, but it just isn't coming together. It isn't as though I don't have deep(er) thoughts, I just can't seem to make them into fodder for public.

This morning I read my cousin's first two posts (her's is a new blog as well) and it was all about her inner thoughts. Definitely NOT "I'm making a grilled cheese sandwich" kind of posts. And of course, as I am nearly always want to to do, I started comparing my self to her. And I was shown, once again, that while we may be similar in looks and even personality, our season in life is very different.

How often I have known moms with young kids who would like to have time away from their littles. I was there! I remember! I wish there had been someone there to tell me, "Hang in there and enjoy this time! It's such a short season!" Our message from the world, and even lots of times in the church is that we need more time for ourselves, and while it is necessary to have rechargings, how I wish I hadn't nearly lived for those. If only I could have some of the time back. If only I hadn't spent so much time comparing myself to other, more "free" women. If only I had learned a long time ago what I know now; that in a blink I would have one child leaving for college and one a sophomore and two middle schoolers.

All that leads to another thought...mentoring. As I approach an age where I am starting to feel more qualified to speak, I wish even more I had sought out an admirable woman to ask questions of. I have a wonderful mother, but she is not a believer and that puts things in a very different light. Am I a woman who is approachable to others who are in a season of needing advice? Lord, please let me be. And let me be the kind of mother whose daughters will seek and ask.

Oregon Spring....

A tomato variety or insanity? It seems that this wacky weather (which, by the way, is COMPLETELY NORMAL) gets to me more and more as I get older. I have spent the vast majority of my life here, so why is my attitude about it getting worse? Weird.

On the upside of Global Weirding, the garden is lovin' it. Raining at night and 65 during the day is prime potato, squash, strawberry weather. Glad I got those those things in the ground. Unfortunately, it also means that the tomatoes that I have been nursing in the greenhouse are probably going to need potted up again before time to go in the garden. Then it will turn summer before the roots fill the pots and I'll get them out late! :P Poor real farmers!

Chicks are growing. Kids are nearly done with the book part of school. No reason whatsoever to be Droopsy.

No post again yesterday! Bad me.

Today's sunshine did wonders for my attitude. Now if it will just hold out until Saturday, Darrin will til and I can plant, plant, plant.

We finished our Mother's day present to me...instead of saying growly meanness to each other this week, we wrote it on index cards. Then tonight after the kids finished burning marshmallows over the fire, we burned them. They made a few jokes about being cultish, but it really did seem to make then stop and think before barking at or slamming each other. My cards were more internal. When I felt the hurt and anger welling up over words or circumstances, I would write it down and try to also write what could or couldn't be done about the situation. It might be juvenile, but its been a good week.

Darrin and Madi are working on desserts for the CIY auction tomorrow night. Its been a little LOUD in there...that's why I am out here!

Now it's popcorn and bed time. Tomorrow is taekwondo all day, so I need to get up early for the yoga and quiet. Have a terrific weekend, girls!

This is a test of the blog picture system. This is only a test.



(Me and the dependents at Multnomah Falls.)

Well, I guess I fell off the wagon...no post yesterday. Between worship practice, Sunday school, church, family dinner, grocery shopping, a thunderstorm in the Goodwill (literally, not because we were in there) then popcorn and "Lost" with husband, I just didn't have the time! :)

Hope you mamas all had a great day celebrating YOU!

Here I am blogging again. Impressive. Two posts in one week. Wonder how long it will last.

I just finished perusing the blogs of the three people I "follow" which I believe may be something akin to stalking. Katie, who's blog is such fun but who is without internet at home...bummer. Mrs. Back Acher, who I find so very entertaining. And Hop_A_Long, who is greatly missed on the wet side of Oregon.

I hope to have some time this weekend to post some pictures and maybe even an entry of substance.

Maybe if I start a new blog I will use it more? We shall see.